Sweet momma is in a home in Kingsland. I have spent a bit of time with her today. She is not the same crisp starched woman I remember. She is now a shell of that woman. It is so painful to see. I spent my day wiping her nose, helping feed her. I could not decide if she hated it so very much - remembering that she used to do that for me when I was a baby. I could not decide if she was so relieved to have a familiar face there to do this for her. I don't know if she was so shocked to see me after all this time. She would hold my hand, every once in a while she would kiss it or try to pull me to her to kiss me.

Conversation with mom is pretty much non existent. Once she was one of the sharpest women in the room. She was so quick witted and funny. Today she could fill in a few words about the Thanksgiving dinner she had on Saturday with my dad. It was good, there was a crowd, and dressing is still her favorite. Of course, I had to ask all these things and she would nod her head the response.

I can not decide what part of guilty I feel here. Part of me wants to be here all the time to bring her good food - to feed her and clean her mouth. Part of me wants to run away and only remember the beautiful woman that raised me. And, part of me is so ashamed to have ever had that thought and to have ever shared it. I miss having our talks. We talked quite a bit. I hate not having her to share my antiquing exploits, my guess who I saw things...
She was always so amazing at running into folks and telling Liz and I that it was someone from high school...and going up to them and saying hello...and it being that person!

I just miss her...